Divorce Jokes


When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

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Eighty percent of married men cheat in America.The rest cheat in Europe.

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“I’ve never been married, but I tell people that I’m divorced so they won’t think something’s wrong with me.” Elayne Boosler

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Divorce is like passing a kidney stone. It hurts like hell, takes what seems forever to pass, results in an enormous bill, and men will always think they have something great to show for it when they get to keep the worthless stone. Mary Godwin

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A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.

The man says, “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, “Guess who?’”

“But why?” asks the man.

“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.

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Once my divorce was final, I went to the local Department of Motor Vehicles and asked to have my maiden name reinstated on my driver’s license.

“Will there be any change of address?” the clerk inquired.

“No,” I replied.

“Oh, good,” she said, clearly delighted. “You got the house.”

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DIVORCED WOMAN’S PERFECT BREAKFAST – She’s sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her ex-husband is on the back of the milk carton. (just kidding!!)

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