Don’t let Divorce separate You from Yourself


As a young woman, many people would think that I have not yet lived long enough to experience life. I am a month shy of my 24th birthday and already I have accomplished and experienced more things than many women twice my age. I have graduated high school, been married, had a child, owned my own business, been divorced, owned a home, found my “soul mate” and had another child.

I’ve had many people tell me that I am divorced today because I was
married too young. I was 18 when I got married to my ex-husband. I was 19 when I had my first child, but I believe strongly that maturity has much more to do with your advancement in life than age. Luckily for me, I was raised to be independent. I’ve never depended on anyone to take care of me. Of course I had help from my parents, especially while going through my divorce. They were my support. They gave me and my son a place to live and helped me get back on my feet. But me being the independent “femi-nazi” as my dad would put it, was back on my own in a short 6 months. I had bought my own home before my divorce was even final.

I think I knew before we were married, that we would not work together. He came from a “high class” family and never had to do without. I came from a middle class family that worked every day of their lives to get what they had. These teachings followed us for years to come. He thought money grew on trees, while I was “frugal”. Probably more than I had to be. The statistics say that the main reason for divorce is financial difficulties. I guess I’m just another statistic.

After my divorce, I decided to be the best person I could be. I made the choice the day I left, that I would never rely on my ex for financial support. I work very hard to do what I need to for my family. I’ve made great strides to become a better person and better mother, because of my ex-husband.

About 6 months after our separation, I met someone, who is now the love of my life. He went through a divorce around the same time I did. He also has a son a few months older than my own. We are “peas in a pod”. Life does get better after divorce! And if you try hard enough, it will be better than you could have imagined. There was a period of time after the initial split that I thought my life would never get better, that I would never make it on my own. I was wrong. I thought up this quote one day, shortly after my separation, and have lived by it ever since. “Good things don’t happen to people. People make good things happen.” Every time I am down and think the world is against me, I recite this line in my
head and realize that I have to make the difference. I have to make the extra effort to make my life the way I want it to be.

I am now a full time working mother. I am the breadwinner of my now
“blended” family. As much as I would love to be a stay at home mom, I
can’t bring myself to depend on someone else for financial stability. I live with, but am not married to, a man that I truly love. We recently added a beautiful baby boy to our growing family. I have never in my life been happier than I am today. Together, we have 3 wonderful little boys and a relationship that anyone should be jealous of. I can’t say that I’m happy that I am 24 years old and divorced, but I am grateful that there was light at the end of that dark tunnel, and a better world on the other side. I kept my head up, kept myself strong and looked for a positive outcome. A positive outcome is exactly what I got!

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